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| Hoosier United Methodist News |
February 2002 |
Catchy names
To make themselves attractive to the unchurched, it seems like congregations these days have to use cute, catchy names to describe who they are. In my travels, I've noticed that churches are increasingly using clever names for their classes, rooms, committees and even worship services.
As a small child, I can remember belonging to the Cradle Roll, then being promoted to the Primary Class. Now we call pre-school classes TLC or Warm & Fuzzy. The nursery is referred to as the Pampered and Hugged. Children's groups are Kingdom Kid's Klubs. The youth group used to be called the Epworth League. Eventually, it became the UMYF. Now it's the God Squad or God's Gang.
The women's group was once called the Women's Society of Christian Service, not We Serve Chicken Suppers, as I was told in my first appointment. More recently, it was the UMW, not United Mine Workers, as I was told in my second appointment. I saw in one church bulletin a meeting of the 3-M, or Merry Methodist Matrons, I was told later.
Adult Sunday school classes used to simply be called the Men's Bible Class and the Women's Bible Class. In one church I served, the only two classes were named the Searchers and the Beacons. I could never understand why they didn't get together, so that the Beacons could show the Searchers the way to whatever it was they were looking for! I had a couple classes I referred to as Thorns in the Flesh, but I never put that in the bulletin. Now classes go by names like CNN, Christian Neighbors and Newcomers or PTL, Pass the Latt‚. SAM'S Club stands for Single Adult Ministry. There are no more committees; they're all Teams. Are coffee hour hosts the Tea Team? Should we refer to the preacher as Coach so-and-so?
Our contemporary churches have also felt the need to label their additional worship services. Saturday night is usually Live or Alive. So, should Sunday morning be known as the Grateful Dead?
The sanctuary is now a Celebration Center, with an Eternal Lite? We don't have fellowship halls any more; we have Family Life Christian Growth and Gathering Centers. I'd guess we'd call the confessional booth a Chat Room, if we had them.
I have some suggestions if your church isn't keeping up with the times. The church board could be the Meeting of the Bored. The finance committee, sorry, finance team, could be the Moneychangers - hopefully turning money into ministry and mission. Trustees, following up on the popularity of Promise Keepers, could be called Premise Keepers; the Procrastinators won't work. And try to work in the word Son in place of sun, as in Summer Sondays. Cute, isn't it?
Just be careful with initials. As a kid, I always thought VBS meant Very Boring Stuff, not Vacation Bible School.
Last updated on 01/14/2004The Rev. Bill Schwein is a member of the South Indiana Cabinet and superintendent of Indianapolis East District.