People trouble in the church office

Dear Susan and Ed:

I work in a UMC office. The people in our office get along very well. But one of the managers is notorious for being inconsiderate and rude. How can she care about people all over the world and be so rude to us?

We could ignore her, but I am increasingly frustrated by her rudeness. Besides that, when she asks the same computer question over and over, it drives me crazy.

How can we stay motivated and be pleasant? We've talked about it in staff meetings, but she doesn't get that we are talking about her. No one wants to approach her, for fear of hurting her feelings. The other managers will not talk to her. I hope you can answer this in the newspaper, because she reads it every month.

Sincerely,
Church office helper

Dear COH:

It seems you've tried everything but talking directly to her. It is interesting that this woman regularly hurts other people's feelings, but you all are being careful not to hurt her feelings.

We understand your desire to keep harmony in the church office. Everyone hopes that the Church can be a model for others' behavior. But, alas, we are all too human. Sometimes, it seems we can care about the whole world, and not care about those close around us.

Your goal seems to be to keep things pleasant, no matter how unpleasant things get. It appears many in the office believe that it is better not to say anything that might disturb others, in order to keep the peace. But there is no peace. Everyone is upset and afraid to talk about it with the person involved.

This happens frequently in churches, where harmony is valued over everything else. Unfortunately, that may mean that real harmony is sacrificed for the sake of "peace."

There is no simple answer, as human relations are complicated. Jesus did, however, give us a big hint, when he said, if we are going to worship, and have troubles with another in the worship community, we must settle things before worshipping. It would be interesting to see what would happen if we took that seriously. It might mean we would have to delay the start of worship some Sundays. But it might also mean that, after a while, we would have less tension in the congregation.

Our suggestion is that a few of you sit down and tell her clearly, but kindly, what your issues are. Let her know you want to work more harmoniously with her. Ask her for suggestions on how you all can work better together. The talk needs to be in the spirit of Christian love. And you need to own your part in any problems in the office.

Good luck,
Sincerely,
Susan and Ed Alley

Letters may be sent to the Alleys at the Kairos Center for the Family, 4337 Kessler Blvd. N. Drive, Indianapolis, Ind. 46228.

Last updated on 01/14/2004

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